Dares and Ale
by lady dove of the green eyes
Summary: It's Buri's bachlorette party and everyone, but poor Buri is extremely drunk. What happens when they decide to pull a prank on all our favorite gentlemen?I UPDATED
1. prolouge

**Friends**

**THIS A/N IS IMPORTANT READ IT**

**Hi! This is Denise a.k.a. Lady Dove I bet those of you who have read this story are wondering why I'm posting it again wwwwweeeellllll,**

**It got deleted by the admin. I'm not sure why the reason I was given in the email makes no since.**

**This is the second story I posted that got deleted for NO apparent reason and while you don't know this, I happen to have a temper worst then Alanna's and AM NOT gonna put up with having my story killed they can kill my user but they WILL NOT silence my story MMMUUUUHHHAAAHHHAAA.**

**If you commented on this story before please comment on it again-makes puppy eyes-**

* * *

They rode into Steadfast at full gallop Neal was eager to see Yuki.

Kel laughing came up beside him.  
"Can't wait another second to see your Yamani Flower, Meathead?"

"You simply can't think of anything proper to say with your feeble intellect."

"Meathead," said Dom in a gloomily tone sneaking up behind them "it's about Yuki."

Neal went very, very pale "w..w..what?"he stamped

Dom looked up and smiled gesturing to Wolset. "She awaits you in your chambers Wolset will show you there."

Neal in his haste to see Yuki completely forgot to be mad at Dom.

Dom frowned at Kel "Buri wanted to talk to you before you go to Wyldon."

Kel jumped off her horse and followed Dom to Buri and Lord Raoul's chambers.

"Kel," She said grinning ear to ear the Queen was also here "Thank you, Dom."

Dom Knew a dismissal when he heard one. He gave the ladies a mock salute and left.

"Cocky," the queen observed "but cute."

Kel just managed to hide her blush behind her Yamani Mask.

"Anyway," said Buri falling into a chair "we just wanted to tell you we're having a bachlorette party for me tonight, your invited."

"No boys allowed." added Thayet

"We'll get you after diner stay in the mess hall till Lalasa comes."

Kel smiled, Bowed and left not even wanting to know what they were planning.

During the course of diner Lalasa came for Kel, "aren't you done yet?"

"No but I'm not very hungry." At this Neal, Seaver, Cleon, and Owen lunged at her food.

Kel walked away with Lalasa both girls were laughing...and trying desperately to stop...and failing...misrably.

Kel didn't want to come out of the dressing room there just had to be a better option, like hiding.

"Kel come out, we want to see the dress."

The dress in question was the reason for her contemplating hiding. It was very pretty the satin whispered when she moved.

The colors was also flattering, forest green and bright gold.

She just couldn't bring herself to walk out in this elegant, low cut, dress.

She was sure this broke some kind of law, It was simply inhuman dresses she could handle, but this thing was a stretch.

"Kel out," commanded Yuki.

Kel took a deep breath and entered the room, before she knew what was happening everyone was telling her how beautiful she was. She blushed so happy to have such good friends.

* * *

I leave it here. I'm sorry there hasn't been much comedy yet I'm getting there though. I'm afraid this is similar to a prologue, the next chapter dares and ale will have more comedy to it.

as always reviews appreciated(:

_Love,  
Lady Dove_

Hey I just posted this a couple of hours ago and I already have reviews, Me so happy(:

alanna cooper o' pirates swoop I don't even want to know where you pull all your odd questions from but I will guess that it's a hat a very large hat.  
It gets funny in the next chapy when every one is completely drunk and they're playing dare.

Now to pussin boots (I love that name) much more sensible post, yes it is rushed and short and it pains me, but I really wanted to get to the fun part, I have so many ideas bouncing around in my head they've started arm wrestling for who gets to be written down first, you have my word as a Tamora Pierce fan and a writer I will come back and clean it up so do I swear by my strait jacket and my books.


	2. Dares and Ale

**Dares and Ale**

* * *

The ladies were all gathered in Buri's soon to be former chambers with a lot of brandy, wine, and other types of spirits.

The rooms it's self no longer had many of Buri's things as she had already moved them into Raoul's chambers, the wedding was only three days away.

That is not to say that the room was plain they had come in early and decorated the whole place, every last inch in Goldenlake colors, because those were the very same colors the entire wedding was being done in.

All the ladies, Daine, Buri, Alanna, Kel, Yuki and Thayet were in dresses they all had sleeping gear with them as well, they had to decided to make it a sleep over.

Alanna pulled a bottle of wine and six cups over to her. "No sense in being sober for a game of dare, the drunker everyone is the less we remember."

"here, here" said Daine as Alanna passed her a glass.

Kel looked at everyone. "Uhhh, I don't drink."

"pity" said Yuki downing half her glass

"Wretched thing!" Everyone looked at Alanna to see why she'd yelled. "Dress" was all she said the 'dress' was a bright violet the same shade as her eyes. Kel noted sullenly that it was cut much higher than her own as was Buri's tan dress, and Daine's blue one. Thayet's could not be described as low cut in any way as it fastened around her neck, but Kel thought she would of hid under the covers of her bed rather than show THAT MUCH BACK.

Yuki's of course was a kimono, and Kel envied her...A WHOLE LOT.

She'd been so engrossed in her envy that she had to have Daine repeat what she'd said. "I said that you're never going to find a better opportunity to drink then at a bachlorette party."

"Any way," said Thayet regally " You have to drink the only one who's allowed to be sober is Buri." Everyone looked at Buri, who was just staring at the wall blankly." Well it's a good thing she doesn't need to be a part of the festivities."

Kel raised her eyebrow. "I thought we were throwing the bachlorette party for Buri."

Alanna smiled. "She's so nieve."

"Kel, the bride is always far to nerves to enjoy her bachlorette party so it is her friends job to enjoy it for her. Now drink the wine."

Kel was actually a little, okay a lot afraid of Daine right now but she still refused to drink anything. The mere thought of drinking the wine brought back memories of the last time she'd drunken spirits, she grimaced she would prefer that memory to just disappear.

Followed by Daines comment everyone except Buri attempted to persuade her to drink the wine.

_Why me, why me I could have married a nobleman I'm not that ugly, and my family's in favor with the king._

They were all talking slightly slurred now, and their arguments less if at all logical.

Once again poor Buri was staring at the wall.

Kel assumed her thoughts were similar to her own something like WHY ME, WHY ME, I ASK YOU GODDESS WHY ME.

"FINE I'LL DRINK THE WINE JUST STOP YELLING."

Yuki giggled. " You're the one yelling, silly."

"So helpful" commented Kel dryly.

The glass of wine was pushed at her. She grabbed it and jugged the whole thing. For those of you who know Kel you know that this was far to much alcohol for the Lady Knight, who started giggling in spite of her self and rocking in her chair.

Kel smiled dreamily. "You know the last time I drunk this much alcohol I ended up dancing on a bar."

Alanna laughed. "Okay on to dare."

"Who's first?" Daine's speech was becoming more and more slurred

"Me!" Said Thayet bouncily. "I choose Kel 'cause she's the drunkest."

Kel looked at her eyes unfocused. "What do I have to do."

Thayet put on a thoughtful expression. "Tell Yuki the absolute worst secret you ever kept from her."

"Well," said Kel plainly trying to remember " It's a draw between two different ones. The first is that your first boyfriend Warai or something like that was cheating on you." Shocked whispers shot through the room.

Yuki shrugged. "He was boring. I mean I was cheating on him to."

More shocked whispers shot through the room this didn't take long considering there were six people in the room two were the ones shocking everyone and one was STILL staring at the wall.

"What's the second one tell me before I go get Lightning."

Thayet looked at her eyes spinning like tops. "I thought Lightning was stuck in the stone."

"That doesn't mean I can't go get it."

"The second secret," said Kel rather loudly. "is that I had a crush on Neal when we were pages."

There was a shocked silence.

"MEATHEAD?" Bellowed, and I mean bellowed Alanna.

Kel nodded. "Nothing came of it."

"Well," said Yuki briskly " I don't care he's mine now. Thayet,"

"Hhhmmm"

"I dare you to, kiss mi' lord Whyldon."

"Ohh, is that all I've done that before."

Even though very drunk everyone, except Buri, who was still staring at the wall, looked at Thayet.

"Well, lets go while the night's young."

This had no real meaning as the night was already anything but young.

The ladies were outside Whyldon's, well all of them but Buri who was still staring at the wall.

Alanna knocked on the door. Kel started giggling helplessly when loud swearing started coming through the door.

A disgruntled Whyldon opened the door. He was wearing a red brocade dressing gown, and staring at them all bewildered.

" What are you doing prowling the fort at this hour. Are we under attack or something?"

Yuki snickered, and it is important you know she wasn't snickering at the stump but at the spider crawling on Alanna's back. She informed Alanna of this, and she promptly started to try and kill the thing with her sword.

While Thayet kissed lord Whyldon, then walked away from the group back towards Buri's rooms.

Kel looking at the stunned former training master decided he deserved an explanation " She fell down mi'lord," and with that she to headed for Buri's rooms to, unfortunately Yuki had to retrieve her as Buri's rooms were in the opposite direction.

Yuki and Kel were soon joined by Alanna who was being sheparded by Daine. Resulting in them walking into the room to all at once to find Thayet having a lively conversation with the wall.

When they were all once more gathered at the table and drinking more alcohol, well all of them except Buri who was still staring at the wall they restarted their game of dare.

Yuki grinned like a mad woman. "I dare everyone to tell all of us the first man and last man they bedded if you are married then the last man you bedded who wasn't your husband."

"That's sick," stated Daine with feeling.

"Both of the answer for me is Neal who I'm going to marry so I don't think it's sick." Yuki gave Daine a smug smile.

Daine's eyebrow twitched. "I've only ever bedded two men and I married one. The first of the two is Numair of course, and the second is..." she took a deep breath. "Ozorne."

Alanna giggled. "Better than what I have to say I've bedded four men. One of course was George and one was Liam but they aren't the first and last. The first was Jon, the last a guy named Fred I met the third time I traveled to the Great Southern Desert."

"My turn." The words were slightly hard to hear as Thayet was bouncing in her seat when she said them. "The first was Liam the last was Jon."

"Husbands don't count!"

"Well I've only ever slept with two men I'm not a whore like Alanna."

"Why you little!" Yelled Alanna drawing her sword.

"We haven't heard Kel's yet." pointed out Yuki.

"Your right." Said Daine smiling. "Kel spill."

Kel looked around uncomfortably." Well, actually I'm a virgin."

Alanna rolled her eyes. "Then tell us every boy you've ever had a crush one."

Kel blushed. "Neal, Owen, Faleron, Zahir, Joren, Cleon, Roald, and Dom."

"WOW"Alanna whistled, just to make it more clear what she thought.

"Alright this is getting boring." Said Yuki

"Agreed." Responded everyone, except Buri who was still staring at the wall.

Kel who wasn't the slightest bit offended by Alanna's comment because after five glasses of wine, three glasses of brandy, and several other things that must have contained alcohol but she couldn't remember what were she was extremely drunk, had a great idea.

"Why don't we play a prank on someone."

Yuki promptly chipped in with "how a bout Neal and Dom?"

"And Raoul and Jon." Suggested the lioness grinning wickedly.

"NUMAIR TOO." Said Daine obviously a little louder than she meant to.

"Very well," said Thayet once again using her regal voice. "What shall we do?"

And so all our ladies, except Buri who was **_STILL_** staring at the wall began to plot their plan or at least as much of a plan as one can create when one is complete drunk.

Once they had gathered all the things they would need they left to put their plan in action.

Their exit was followed directly by Buri WAKING UP FROM HER STUPER, and wondering where all her friends had gone, then deciding to take a nap.

The others after paying some late night visits to Raoul's, Jon's, Neal's, Dom's and Numair's rooms decided to follow Buri's example and go to sleep.

In the morning they were all awoken by Raoul knocking down the door, actually it would have been a dramatic entrance for him, Numair, Jon, Dom, and Neal had they not all had on face paint that wouldn't come off, dresses, because for some reason that's all they had in their closet, and most of all one would think if their hair was not a bright shade of baby pink.

All the girls started laughing and couldn't stop Yuki and Kel were leaning on each other for support, Daine was rolling on the floor unable to contain herself (Numair's dress was a round a foot short), Buri was trying and failing to hide her laughter, and finally both Thayet and Alanna were pointing at Jon and attempting to talk between fits of hysterical laughter. Alanna reflected on the fact that it was to bad George wasn't here he would of looked good in a dress.

Thayet finally managed to ask "What in the world happened to you."

Jon held out a note written in a very shaky version of Thayets hand.

_Dear boys,_

_If you need more dresses just ask._

_Sincerely,_

_Thayet, Daine, Kel, Yuki, Alanna_

_Not Buri she's probably STILL staring at the wall._

Thayet cringed she knew she and every body else in that room, except Buri who was now staring at Raoul all had a hangover.

She rubbed her eyes. " Can anyone remember what we did last night."

Alanna and Kel both responded at the same time.

"All I can remember is Alanna saying she'd slept with Jon before."

"I only remember Kel saying she had a crush on Dom."

The entire room fell silent no one moved until Buri saved the day with a remark that was sure to get Alanna, and Kel out of the trouble they'd just put each other in.

"Why are there so many empty bottles of wine in here."

Jonathan glared " I shall decide your punishment before dinner."

He still looked scary even if he was in a pink dress with large gaudy purple flowers.

* * *

Hey that wasn't so bad.-winces as R cracks her knukles-

_love,_

_Lady Dove_


	3. Punishment

Chapter Three

Punishment

I have combined the 3rd and 4th chapters because the 3rd was so short. I have also re-written it because it apears to have gotten deleted.

* * *

Jonathan of Conte looked at the five ladys infront of him. Buri received no punishment because she didn't acctually do anything.

Thayet smiled. "Thats not to bad."

Kel, Alanna, Yuki, and Daine glared daggers at her. "Speak for your self Thayet."

"But Alanna you wear dresses."

"You forget, WE'RE AT WAR, we can't fight in dresses. You can't even breath in a bodice!"

Kel held her calm it was the 'you have to do anything your told to that' bothered her.

The Gentlemen had decided that the not-so-gentleladys punishment should be the same as the prank they pulled. Except they didn't have to dye their hair pink they had to do whatever someone told them to.

The king adressed them all in the mess hall. Some how they had found a way to get off the face paint, get their hair back to normal and find where the ladys had put their clothes.

"My decision is final Alanna. Tomarow you report for dutys in a dress."

* * *

Kel glared at her reflection in the mirror. Dresses were all well and good, but this was not funny. _If I wanted to wear low cut dresses I was endanger of popping out of, I would have gone to the convent._

"Oh, Lady Keladry."

"No, not him!"

"Yes me."

"Sergeant Domatian, can I help you?"

"Why yes actually. Please come with me." He addressed her cleavage. He was trying to make her uncomfortable and she would not give him that satisfaction.

"Of course mi'lord." _If they wanted her to be a lady, then she would be a lady, or at least as much of one as she could be._

* * *

When they reached their destination Kel had decided that she would rather face the chamber of the ordeal again, rather then be the object of one more aproving look.  
The tight fitting, low-cut,pink dress was having an effect on the men of fort Steadfast.

"So Kel, your true self shines through. Your nothing but a convent girl." Neal's dry voice irritated her. At this point she had NO yamani calm left. She snatched the dagger tied to her ankle. Leveling it at Neal she said cruely. "If you wish to insult me _Meathead_ you'll pay."

"Kel," said Neal in a laughing tone "Adress me as master."

"I will do no..." _SUTPID king! _"Yes, master."

All the men had looks of utter joy as they realized they could tell the lady knight to do anyting and she would have to do it.

"Any of you lads thought that if you try, in a week, when this god blasted punishment is over, I will kill you."

Voices every where started giving her comands. Aparrently they had decided torturing the lady knight now, was worth dying later.

"Hush!" Raouls voice boomed through the mess hall. "Kel would you please come tilt with me?"

"You've got to be kidding me. In this?" Kel gestured toward the dress.

"Kel, come tilt with me."

She had no choice, but to follow Raoul to the practice courts. Someone had already set everything up by the time they arrived.

Kel looked around. She knew if she tilted with Raoul in the corset she was wearing she'd hurt herself. _Only one thing to do I guess_. She unlaced the corset and took it off, before climbing on to Peachblossem's back.

"Now Kel," Said Raoul in a reprimanding tone, "You know your supposed to wear a dress at all times."

"I am wearing a dress. I'm just not wearing a corset. There's a difference."

Raoul sighed in annoyence, but in the end he gave.

The two jousters were about to charge when a...uhh, loud scream broke their concentration.

A furious Thayet stormed onto the practice courts. Yuki and Daine were both trying to calm her down. They had been atempting to calm her down for the last couple minutes, with no avail.

Kel started laughing. She couldn't help it. Thayet was wearing a pink dress with full skirts and an extremely tight purple bodice. The dress had large, Gaudy purple flowers embrodered on it.

"Thayet are you ok?"

"OK, OK,O-K, no Kel I am not OK! Would you be wearing this dress? I can't breathe!"

"You can't?"

"KEL, I can barley move!"

Kel got off her horse. "Has anyone seen Alanna?"

-Silence-

"We should find her."

All the ladys left imediately.

After running away in no particular direction for a bit, they decided to actually look for Alanna.

"She must be in her rooms."

"Thayat, why on earth would she be in her rooms?"

"I don't know Daine, but she's not anywhere else."

Kel looked at them. "You know, her rooms should have been the first place we looked."

Yuki put on a Yamani mask to hide her embarresment. "We don't seem to be thinking strait."

"It's the bloody corsets fault."

"Thayet, profanity, is that really necisary."

Thayet glared daggers at Daine. While Kel and Yuki walked off in the direction of Alanna's rooms.

Kel knocked on the door. "Alanna?"

The door opened a crack, Allowing Kel and Yuki to see Alanna's eye.

"Get in quick you two."

Once the door was closed purple fire shot across the walls sealing them in completely.

"Alanna, what's going on?"

"It's a spell."

"I noticed. Why are you spelling your room?"

"Because the spell makes it so I can't hear anything thats said outside."

Yuki smiled. "Therefore you don't have to carry out any command your given because you can't hear them. Brillant."

"What about when Numair comes and removes the spell?"

Both Yuki and Alanna glared at her. "You realize that we had hope for a second there."

Just then Numair broke through the spell and opened the door.

"Lady's you will join us for dinner. The gowns you will wear will be delivered to your room's."

"This can't be good."

* * *

Ahhh, anouther chapter anouther cliffhanger the simple pleasures in life. Please make sure you read the Author's not at the begning of the first chapter it will explain more than it doesn't (hopefully)

Once again adressing the hat issue, R. I was rather wondering if you would let me borrow it.

Now a short little peice of comedic info.  
The Definition of Friendship

you smile I smile...you cry, I cry  
You jump off a bridge,  
I'm gonna miss you.

Curtisy of that loon I have for a best friend and a beta.


	4. Dresses

**Chapter four****  
****Dresses**

**

* * *

**

Okay ya hi. When you're reading this it will be kinda confusing. I'm trying out a new idea so when Tobe (yay! I added him in.) his telling Kel the rules, each person the rule was more **cough **intended to apply to will think some thing to do with that rule. These people are still in their separate rooms doing separate things.

* * *

Kel, after being shooed from Alanna's room waited patiently for her dress to arrive. In the time that she had been alone she had managed to regain her Yamani calm.

"Uhhh, mi'lady I've been asked by milord Raoul to bring you your dress for tonight."

"Tobe come in please." A rather red faced Tobe came in.

"Mi'lady all the ladies are being given specially picked dresses, and maids to help them get ready. There is also a list of rules. One: Don't kill or harm or attempt to kill or harm the maids."

* * *

_Don't kill the maids_. Thought Alanna_, What on earth gave them the impression I would kill the maids? _The maids took out the dress ready to help her get ready. Only one thought crossed Alanna's mind as she had her first glimpse of the dress. _I will kill them before I let them put that on me._

_

* * *

_

"Do not use your magic, if you have any to get away from the maids."

* * *

_What could possibly be so horrible about the dress that I would shape shift to get away? _She moved the large linen sheets that covered the dress, so she could see it. _Oh no. They let Numair pick my dress._

_

* * *

_

"You may not pull rank, and command the maids to leave."

* * *

_I'm Queen. I should be able to pull rank! Oh gods, that's an ugly dress. _"Out all of you out!"

"Um, mi'lady we was told that if you told us to leave we weren't supposed to."

_I hate my husband. I should have let Alanna marry him. No that's not true. _She looked at the dress again. _Yes, it is._

_

* * *

_

"The final rule mi'lady is that you are not allowed to turn renegade jus' 'cause you don't like your dress."

"So thoughtful," said Kel as Tobe left, leaving the dress behind.

Kel walked over to the dress. Looking at it she barely managed to stifle a gasp. The dress was made of a deep burgonet fabric, with slits of dark green at the bottom of the dress and the end of the sleeves. The dark green corset had a red flower embroidered on it, and emphasized a very daring neck line.

The maids entered the room_. Now to become a proper court lady. Oh goddess, how much face paint_ do_ they have?_

_

* * *

_

Alanna looked at her reflection in the mirror. _Orange. I loath orange. I look appalling in orange. Why did it have to be Orange? Just then she noticed something about the beading on the dress that made her want to rip it off her skin._

"Roger"

* * *

Thayet was disgusted with her reflection in the mirror. The dress she was wearing had large vertical pink and lime green stripes. Not only that but her head band had pink and lime green stripes. And on top of that her bodice had large horizontal pink and lime green stripes.

_I look so bloody fat!_

_

* * *

_

Daine vowed by every god to kill Numair Salmin, when next given the chance. Her dress was grey-blue just like her eyes. The collar of the beautiful silk concoction went around her neck, but unfortunately the fabric stopped leaving a large part of skin exposed between it and the dress's daring neck line. The collar of the dress and the neck line were only connected by a silver chain, which had large blue-grey stones attached to it at intervals. The dress's skirts were comprised of several layers of elegant ruffles.

* * *

Yuki left her room and headed toward the mess hall in her simple white Kimono. _Well this isn't so horrible. I hope the others like their dresses_

_

* * *

._

I know this took forever in coming and is fairly short but the next one will be out soon. This one would have been out sooner had I not been put on probation, AGAIN! I'm starting to wonder how Kel survived a year of it!

Review responses

**Pussin Boots**: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I'm glad I extended that chapter. Even if it turned out a little choppy.

**Cede**: Thanx for the suggestion I needed it.

**R**: YAY! Thank you for letting me borrow the hat!

**seabiscuit0810**: You deserve mucho credit for putting egad in a review I'm completely jealous.

**Kelly Masbolle**: I can't tell you how glad I am you liked it you were one of my first reviews and I really hate disappointing my fans.

**Pinky**: About the flirting thing that'll be in chapy five.

**Miss Lyss**: Thank you. Hope you enjoyed the new chapy.

**Some Random Reviewer**: glad you like Thanx. By the way I love your name.

**Keeran Amytha**: Thanx. About the exclamation points. If you want to exclaim, exclaim. Goodness knows my sister, who is a fan of the story wishes I would stop exclaiming about how happy I am about my reviews and write! -Sobs- someone should be able to exclaim. I think that's the most I ever said exclaim before.

**Cesy**: Glad you think so. Thanx for the review.

**Nutz Nina**: I'm flattered. By the way I read Trapped and loved it.

**Avchocaholic**: Yet another user name I like. Glad you like the way my sick twisted mind works.

**ilikellamas**: Hey another user name I like! There are so many this is wonderful. I'm sorry if you didn't think I was going to update. I got put on probation. About the dad thing. I've done that to my dad to, except it was after reading Look Mommy! It's Raining Shoes!


	5. The Actually NotSoGentle Men

**Chapter Four and a half  
The actually not-so-gentle men**

Dom grinned like a maniac. "Who first?"

"Alanna." Said Jon tonelessly.

"Revenge on the ex-lover, huh?"

"No- thatsnot---I mean...Uh"

Raoul, Dom, Neal, and Numair all started laughing.

"I'm king I demand that you shut-up."

"Um mi'lords, you did say you wanted the lioness's dress to be..uh... less than apealing correct?" The maid asked nervously.

"Yes thats right."

"Well I got sum dresses here two show you."

"Very well," said Jon commandingly, "Procede."

The maid showed them several dresses before they found the perfect one. The ghastly orange dress with beading identical to that of Roger's wizard rod. Raoul, set his revenge aside, because this was truly over vicious. he _would_have spoken on Alanna's behalf, had the predatoryal look in Jon's eye's not scared him to death.

"Uh, guys Raoul just died."

"Don't be silly he just fainted."

At Numair's request they picked out Daine's dress next. They probaly wasn't the right word-_he_ picked out Daine's dress.

Jon, still on his made hunt for revenge picked the uglyest green and pink striped dress the world has ever known for Thayet-poor girl.

Raoul woke up only no one noticed so it doesn't really matter.

Neal, when it was his turn to pick a dress for Yuki selected a simple white kimono. To the rest of the men this made no sense.

"Meathead, why on earth did you pick a dress like that."

"Thats sir Meathed! And I picked that dress because I'm not an idiot."

Dom started to laugh histericaly. "Since when."

"Since I had the brains not to make Yuki madder at me then she already is."

"Why does this matter?"

"Do you want to sleep alone for the rest of your life?" Dom blushed and opened his mouth to answer. "Oh give up Dom. We all know you have it bad for Kel."

Raoul grinned at his favorite sergant's dismay. "I distinctly remember Alanna saying, night before last that Kel had said she loved you."

"Actually Alanna said Kel said Kel had a crush on Dom."

"Same thing when it comes to Kel. She's so serious about everything." Pointed out Jon.

"Hey, that's not true."

"You dare defy me I'm your king you must do as I say!" Jonathan began turning blue as he continued his rant. " I am your ruler. I am always right even if I'm wrong. You will never question my judgement again. If you do I will destroy you, FOR I AM GOD!" He held his hands up toward the heavens as he spoke the last part.

"Great," complained Neal, "Like we need anouther politcian thinking he's god."

"I agree, Bush is more then enough."(oh no, my politics leaked into my writing)

In the end they managed to select all the dresses. (Dom got to pick Kel's. Poor girl.)

They all left the taylor's (Why do they have a taylor in a fort) Happily, Numair to hunt down the girls, all the rest of the actually not-so-gentle men to get ready.

* * *

_Okay, I lost about half this chapter twice, so it's not as good as it should have been. I know it's not very long and it took me forever to update, but I suppose your used to that by now. On the up side I haven't been put on probation again so you don't have to listen to me rant. ANYONE WHO READS THIS SHOULD KNOW,I really, really would love it if you reviewed, I'm not gonna promise it would make me write faster, because I'm working on a huge writing project outside the fandom, and don't really have as much time to work on this as I would like. But it will make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside  
-__giggles- (Yam, now your scared) (Yam, I did mean to write yam.) (all you weirdos saying yes or ya or something like that.)_

Review Responses

Nutz Nina: Thanx for the reviews. I absoultly can not belive you liked Sparrow. I don't even like it anymore.

Cesy: so,so,so,so,so sorry about the spelling and grammar mistakes I'm really hopeless. I do try, if that's any consilation. And I have improved

Pussin Boots: She likes the choppyness. My lifes complete. I'm not being sarcastic here. I really enjoy knowing my readers enjoy my writing.

Seabiscuit0810: No fair! You used egad again! My envy only gets worse. Yes the dresses were hidious. My sister, who is a wonderful artist is drawing pictures of them for me. She's gonna post them on fan art central. So next chapy I intend to tell people where to go if they want to find them. She unfortunatly only did Daine and Kel's.

Guacamole13: I wil not give anything away, exept to tell you; that yes, this is gonna get good.

Socerous shadowrain: Cool name! Actually they didn't do anything near so devious as drug her, Buri just spent the entire night worrying about being married. (how boring!)

DOMLUVR4EVER: Your welcome for the review it was a really good story. About your complement; THANK YOU I love it when people tell me I'm wonderful it keeps me happily conseated, hold on I ssssooo did not just say that.

thingy of um thingyness: why r u laughing at me? -sobs histerically-

princess-of-everything: I like the name I have a user name simaliar to it on some site or anouther. (Queen-Of-The-Universe) I'm glad you like the story.

Pinky: -bows humbly- (Ya, like I can do anything humbly) All has been explained. (except what mental disease I have but that is a secret young grass hopper) (okay during that whole thing you should have been picturing me as on of those chinesse kong fu masters from the movies.) ( Ya know, the whole when you can take this pebble from my hand deal.)

Kelly of Masbolle:I'm glad you think it's getting funnier but it's not. My sugar problem's just getting worse.

ilikellamas: Don't worry about the probation thing, that was what the third time I was put on probation. I'm used to it. I just wanted to rant. Look Mommy it's raining shoes was a real peice of comedic geinus (Seadragon's one of my fav. authors) I was wondering something I hope I don't sound rude asking but where are you from? From the way you talk I'm gonna guess somewhere in Europe but I'm probaly wrong. You have the write to be flattered it's a cool name. About sounding like Neal, I don't thing I can stop you, but I might be able to comfort you. I silp into talking like Neal all the time. And oddly enough when you start banging your head on the table during lunch screaming: Oh some ine please save me I sound like Neal, they think your a loon. And because I'm a huge fan of the pairing. There will be K/D action in un-healthy amounts in chapter five. It unfortunatly may get a little romance novely. Hey if you haven't read it you should read Soap it's one of my own storys (one-shot, K/D, romance/humor, inhumanly amounts of soap.)

jinga: thought about that but I decided that instead of having them run away I would make their punishments, brace yourself, enjoyable. And for the comedy aspect we'll torture the boys. But I will give you the heads up that the running away to the Yamini Isles shows up in a bit of a different form.

um: Glad you like it(:

queentigress:You know since starting this story my ego has grown four sizes. IT'S WONDERFUL! Thanks for the comment.

Miss Lyss: You know everyone was wondering about Yuki. Except my mother. When she read it she knewWhat was going on right away.The battle suggestion I swear to youwill arise, with a twist that makes it even more comical.

BANANA: You noticed, Oh please tell me it wasn'tthe horns and tail that gave me away.

Feyla: This is why I love fanfic. I get to put my fav. characters through cruel and unusual punishments. I'm glad you liked the way I did the rules. I was afraid that that wouldn't work out the way I wanted it to.

magewhisperer: I'm flattered you like the story. About the laughing. Why does everyone keep doing that. Do I look funny or something? I no I do look funny. I'm going to have to become a hermit andlive the rest of my life in my room.


	6. A gift for the reviewers

**Chapter four and three-fourths  
A gift for the reviewers**

_Okay so I WANTED to work on chapy five but unfortunantly what I've written so far is in florida. where as I'm a ten hour car drive away in huntsville._

_This is just a small gift for you wonderful people who put up with my irratic updating._

* * *

It was a gloomy day. It was raining. It was pouring. The old man was snoring, but you couldn't hear him over the thunder.

Keladry of Mindelan was only half a mile from the palace. Only half a mile! She should have been in her nice cozy room with her birds, her cat, her dog, and her friends. But no, she was in a disgusting bar, with completely wasted guys staring at her. _Great Mother save me!_

She decided to have a drink. She didn't drink often but she had some occasionaly.

She ended up having to many and dancing on the bar. The only thing she really noticed through her druken haze, were people's eyes greens, and browns, and blues. The pair that really caught her attention, was a set of saphire blue orbs. She couldn't find their owner though. She remembered she had wanted to find the owner because they looked vaugly familar.

-end flashback-

"You're all done mi'lady."

Kel looked at her self in the mirror. There was no denying she looked pretty. Not in the way of the court though. Where they were twiggy barbie dolls, Kel was big-boned and well mucled. Yet still she managed to look pretty.

"Time to face the mess hall."

As Kel walked out she was nearly run over as a very angry Thayet, and a livid Alanna raced past. Yuki was walking behind them. _Hey, why does she get to wear something like that! Life just isn't fair._

_-End of specialy added on for the fans chapter-_

_Chapter five should be out in about a week and a half._

_Reviewer Response_

_TO ALL MY REVIEWERS  
I love you people(:  
I was reading the reviews I got on chapter four and a half -does happy dance- I'm so happy I'm gonna bust. You see that's the best part of writing comedys your reviewers are as insane as you. But when I was reading the reviews, i kept breaking out into fits of histerical laughter. I mean I was having a really depressing day, then I looked at my stats and saw I had 17 new reviews. As I was reading them I got happier and happier till I really just wanted to write a bonus chapter._

Princess-Of-Everything: I like it, princess-of-the-universe. It sounds cool. I'm sorry about the wait I'm to say the least, hopeless.

Desatre: The runaway to the isles biz is gonna show up jus' not in the way you expect.

megster: I have to admit I think Jon is a jerk sometimes, but sometimes he's okay. He can't be really compassionte with a job like his. (I still hate him when he's acting like a prig) God, Bush is an idiot. How on earth did he end up president two terms running. The only good thing about him winning the election is that he can't run again!

thingy of um thingyness: I like -rubs hands together, eyes gleaming evily- I like it alot.

magewhisperer: you're sure I don't look funny? Ah, poor Dom so clueless. You know from the way the not-so-gentle men are acting you'd think I'd drugged them. -shifty eyes- I didn't just say that.

seabiscuit0810: 5:30? Your crazy I never wake-up before 12:00 if I have a say in the matter. And what's the difference between breakfast and lunch?

Selene: Glad to be of service -does silly bow- (cool name. Where'd you get the idea for it?)

Irish Violinist: I'm glad I didn't let you people read the original. Glad you liked the story.

Pussin Boots: I'd never let any of the not-so-gentle ladys kill any of the not-so-gentle men. The guys are all just so cute. How would we survive without them?

Nutz Nina: I'm glad some onenose why they need a tailor. Now if onlypeople didn't know my natural hair color...I'm gladu don't remember whatSparrow is. Forreasons of my own I won't delete it. But that doesn't mean I don't hate it any less.

Queen Tigress:Tank ku (that's my weird way of saying thank you) (u know it's kinda baby talk)

um: Numy won't be late. Just remember the discription of Daine's dress. Ya, why is Neal smart any way...Oh, ya. That's right the drugs.Dove you idiot you haven't written about the drugs yet. oh, gosh I'm talking to myself again. Ah, the men in the white lab coats. Run away!

Miss Lyss: Yay, logicaly the boys should come first. ButI decided when I was writing thischapyfour and a half that I wasn't going to switch them because I liked having the dresses introduced with the girls reactions.

DOMLUVR4EVER: I'm glad you liked. I still can't belive I let my politics spill over into my writing. Bad me.

Fauna Greywolf:The drugs, ah how many times have I mentioned those. That was supposed to be a secret.Nevermind don't listen to me. Why didBush get re-elected. It was obvious to me (even though Iwas still in middle school) that he had no idea what he was doing! AboutJon and Neal both those weird personality shifs will be explained.

Kasey Rider: I'm not gonna give anything away. I'm not gonna give anything away. I'm gonna bring back people from the dead. Damn I gave something away. Glad you liked the story.

Confusedknight: I'm so glad this is making people laugh. Belive it or not when I wrote the first chapter I was afraid it wasn't going to be very funny.

Sorceress ShadowRain: Jon's weirdness will be explained I promise.


	7. doghouse

Doghouse

'Kay mostly 'cause I love all my wonderful reviewers I've decided to warn you; there be fluff ahead mateys (no clue how to spell that) also anyone who wanted to see me torture the not-so-gentle ladies some more: Sorry there will be very little of that from now on. Now we commence operation torture the not-so-gentle men!

I'm sorry I didn't update this when I said I would, but u see I and the computer had a fight, and apparently I lost.

* * *

Yuki, though the first to leave her rooms was not by any means the first to arrive at the mess hall. On her way she was overtook by a screaming Alanna and a screaming Thayet, Who burst into the mess hall at the same time. Upon their arrival the entire mess hall burst into laughter. This was not a smart move as both Thayet and Alanna were prepared to kill.

Alanna pulled out her sword and leveled it at the man nearest to her. "Any of you say one word about the get-up you'll wish you hadn't."

The man with Alanna's sword at his throat gulped.

"Now Alanna," said Jon in a reprimanding tone, "If you can't play nicely with the other children, you'll have to leave."

What Jon did not expect was for Alanna to take his words literally. But she did. She sheathed her sword and left the mess hall, without another word.

"Not the sharpest needle in the hay stack today are we Jon."

Buri started whistling the way only guilty people pretending to be innocent whistle. Everyone looked at her. "What I didn't do anything."

"Drugs." said Yuki looking at Buri. "You fed them drugs."

"I only fed them a little bit."

"I've been drugged!" Yelled Raoul, "How much of the drugs did you feed us. Come to think of it... Why did you feed us drugs?"

"I feed you drugs because the author hasn't written anything about me since chapter three, and I was bored. And I didn't feed you that much. How drugged you are depends on how much of the wine I brought you earlier today you actually drunk."

This line of conversation-which was not going poor Buri's way- was stoped as Kel and Yuki walked in together. Several jaws dropped at Kel's dress. One person seemed to be unable to take his eyes off of her. Dom's dark sapphire orbs were boreing into her. Kel's blush was now making her appear to be a lobster. (HaHa! See R, I did add on lobsters!)

"Wow, Kel," exclaimed Thayet "You look stunning"

"Ugh." was the only response she got.

Jon began snickering. This was NOT a smart move. Thayet turned around. If looks could kill (nearly everyone I know would be dead.) King Jonathan would be very, Very, VEry, VERy, VERY dead.

"Silence," she commanded her husband.

"What are you going to do to me?" He asked half laughing, half speaking.

"PERMANTLY PUT YOU IN THE DOG HOUSE!"

Jon cowered, realizing since the drugs were kind of wearing off (finally), the power of a woman.

Before Thayet got the chance to kill him (ya I know some of you would like him dead, but I just can't bring myself to do It.) a bird swooped in carrying a message from Daine.

"What does she want?" Yuki asked Numair.

Numair smiled. "She is refusing to come here. Something about horrible tastes in dresses."

Dom snorted, remembering what Daine's dress had looked like."

"I'm going to go fetch her," said Numair eyeing Dom suspiciously.

------------

Nearly an hour later almost everyone was seated and eating. A very placid Yuki and a very meatheadish (what a neat word) Neal were quietly conversing, while a not so quite conversation about battle tactic was going on between Dom, Buri, and Raoul. Most unfortunately (for Jon I mean. I have no problem with it.) Thayet was still screaming at Jon (maybe she's on drugs too...). Kel thought that now would be an excellent time to sneak out.

And that is exactly what she did. She assumed -wrongly so- that no one had seen her.

"O' protector"

"What is it Dom?"

"I came to inquire as to why you left my addictive presence."

Kel snorted though (sorry all u k/n fans) she had to agree with his addictive presence comment._ No bad Kel, don't think like that. _"I couldn't stand to be in public wearing this contraption," She said gesturing to her dress.

"I rather like it."

"I suppose the colors are pretty."

"That's not what I meant."

_He's a lot closer than he was before. In fact he's close enough to- NO bad Kel! _She decided that she really had to steer the conversation away from the current topic of discussion. "I wonder what happened to Numair."

"He never came back, from when he went to get Daine." He smiled wickedly. "I'm sure they found a way to entertain themselves."

_Well that went from innocent to not-so innocent rather quick. _She mused before realizing he had some how gotten even closer then he was a moment before.

She cast around wildly for something else to say. " D-do y-y-you... uh th-think Thayet will k-kill Jon?" (Wow Kel stuttering...)

"No, but I don't think he'll be welcome in his room tonight."

_Once again I think this conversation left the realm of innocent. _She thought. Once again she couldn't find anything to say.

"Kel?"

"What Dom?"

"Do you remember the terms of your punishment?"

She couldn't understand where he was going with this, but she answered anyway. "We have to wear face paint, we have to wear dresses, we have to do whatever we're told, we-"

"That's the one."

"What we have to do whatever we're told?"

"Yes."

"Why's it matter?"

" Kel, kiss me."

"What!"

"You have to do whatever your told," said Dom his eyes twinkling mischievously.

Kel, miraculously thought of a solution for her dilemma. She leaned toward Dom and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, before hurriedly rushing off.

Dom reached out and caught her by the arm before she even moved two paces.

"That is not what I meant," he whispered before capturing her lips with his own.

"Ummm..." What was the appropriate response to getting kissed.

"Would you like to take a stroll through the garden fair lady?"

"Dom, we're in a war fort there is no garden."

"Well, there's a forest just outside and that's close enough for me."

"Fine, forest it is."

They had been 'strolling through the forest' for a short while before they began hearing noises. The noises turned out to be a recently arrived George reassuring a furious Alanna that she looked glorious in the dress, it just wasn't her color.

Both Kel and Dom had to stifle laughter. They continued on their stroll not wanting to interrupt any of Steadfast's lovebirds, but alas it was not to be so, as the second they had gotten away they stumbled upon Neal and Yuki.

"Hello Kel," said Yuki, serene as always.

"Kel-DOM! Wha- but... why? Huh?"

Kel had to once again stifle laughter after witnessing Neal's reaction to her and Dom's intertwined fingers.

"Yuki, Meathead, would you honor I and Kel with your presence on our trek back to Steadfast."

"It would be our pleasure," answered Yuki before Neal could muster a response.

Kel and Dom had dropped Neal and Yuki off at their rooms, when they walked past Jon and Thayet's room only Jon was sleeping in the hallway.

Kel tapped Dom on the shoulder and whispered in his ear, "The power of a woman is to put her man in the doghouse."

I feel really about taking so long to update but I do have a bit of a treat for you. Now I'm sure everyone remembers the dresses. Well my sister Alia (who is an artist) did sketches of both Daine and Kel's dresses if you would like to find them follow these steps.

1. Go to Fanart central.(Fc, for those of u that don't know is a website)

2. Look up the user aliasangel

3. Find the pictures labeled "Daine's dress" and "Kel's dress"

READ THIS: I am running out of ideas next chapy I'm doing Raoul's bachelor party, and I am having difficulties coming up w/ ideas. I am taking suggestions. Please help me.

OKAY EVERYONE this a completely random thing R said in the middle of art class but it made me crack up so I'm going to tell it to you. "There was a freak accident involving a lobster."

REVIEW RESPONSES

magewhisperer: Thanx and nope, not Jon's eyes.

Selene: I was wondering if it was from greek mythology. That time period and the medieval era are my favorite to study ( I can recite nearly the entire history of Elizabeth the first.) And don't worry about sounding like a history teacher. World history is my favorite subject.

Jasmineb: Thanx

Nutz Nina: I'm just kind of a natural at this stuff. That's why it takes me so long to write this story I just write down whatever comes to mind when I'm in front of the computer. And I think your hysterical, and have excellent taste in stories.

Pussin Boots: Ya no dead boys! Though I do think we could torture them a little.

Ilikellamas: The review was long, but not boring. You live in Australia that's cool I want to go there someday. YES! Write stories it's a wonderful way to waste your time well. And you've picked apart my user I'm honored. I hope you liked the stories. And don't be sorry for not reviewing on a chapter there are people that don't review at all, and I did kind of post three chapters in two days(still not sure how I did that) it's reasonable to not be able to keep up.

um: -rereads um's review- I'm having trouble not laughing. I'm glad you liked the reply, -starts acting like Neal- but of course it's perfect. The only reason I write the story is to respond to my reviews.

On top of cloud 9: sorry about the wait on this chapter, and ya the roger beading was pretty evil.

Princess-of-everything: now because I love your name I'll tell u the secret behind my writing I have no idea what I'm doing I just write whatever comes to mind.

Megster: I'm not sure I could stand isle cooking either. And yes your mom's right the latter is more likely though the brain washing is very probable.

Dom's angel: Thank u

Cesy: Runs around screaming like a fangirl? I've done that before, When I found out about trickster's choice. I suggest you reframe from doing it in Walmart. People look at you weird.

Sariana of Wind: Sari your user name is beautiful. (I just wanted to say that.) I'm glad you like the story.

Alia: GGGGrrrrrrrr

Miss Lyss: the flashback flashes back to just as the maids finish dolling Kel up to the mess hall. And yes the eyes are Dom's.

Demented-shoelace: -mutters about everyone having really cool names- I'm glad you like the story.

Kalada: Me make Kel and Dom not end up together? NEVER! I'm a HUGE fan of the ship.

Lilnovelist: Thank you I love hearing people love my story.

Keeran Amytha: Don't worry about forgetting things it happens. There are some mornings I can't remember my own name. Thanx for the complements.

Tortall princess: I needed to bring George in later so he could keep Alanna's wrath from tearing apart Steadfast. So I couldn't have him all girlified sadly enough.


End file.
